In February, Mountain Home, AR police responded to a teenager’s call for help getting to keys he’d locked in his car at church. Over a pound of marijuana was seized from the car. Here’s his mug shot (a clue).
On December 19th, in Sudbury, MA a woman told a church her landlord would evict her if she didn’t pay $1,200.00. Alfred Scamman (the mean landlord) and her had played similar scams in the area; this time their gig was up. Someone figured out she and Scamman were scammin’.
On May 6th, in Newbury, PA a man couldn’t find his cat. He was convinced a church had kidnapped (catnapped?) it and were hiding it in the church. He tore up the church and threatened the confused congregants. Why would anyone hide a cat in a church? Cats won’t be in heaven anyway.
On April 24th, in Okolona, MS the pastor changed the locks on the church doors again; right after the deacons voted him out and changed the locks. Their small-town locksmith does well.
On May 27th, in Eureka, MO –. Someone propped a door open as they moved stuff in and out of the Parish. They turned back from their vehicle just in time to see a black bear walk in ahead of them. Oops.
On December 10th, in Stamford, CT a naked woman broke into a church and was described by the pastor to be “like a human tornado” as she tore the interior apart looking for a bomb. She’d smoked Marijuana (with some extra ingredients).
On November 26th, in Fairbanks, AK Police Officer Greg Foster was stared down outside the Immaculate Conception Church by a moose. She was not going to give up her spot, or that of her calves around the sidewalk no matter how many parishioners were inconvenienced.
On October 4th, in Ft. Worth, TX officers responded to a Cathedral as a naked woman crawled all over a St. Ignatius statue on the roof. They thought she might have a mental issue. Really?
On October 27th, in Guelph, Ontario a woman stole an elderly man’s walker in a church. And Canadians think we have a violent culture? Americans don’t steal walkers.
On October 12th, in Ringgold, GA something happened that wasn’t criminal, but a sad commentary on America’s value system. Among other creatures, a possum was “blessed” at a church. I guess Canadians could say, “touché.”